I suppose it's often true that some of life's most poignant lessons are hidden within an especially painful experience. Although the heartache that accompanies it can temporarily distort our perception and ability to think clearly, the value in the lesson that does come remains with us indefinitely.

It took me nearly a week to be able to formulate coherent thoughts about losing Saint, a stunning 8 year old Thoroughbred gelding who had been with PHH for over a year. His death was sudden, unexpected, and quite possibly one of the most difficult things I've had to experience firsthand. He graced the barn and everyone who worked with him with his beauty and lively spirit. It was actually the thing that struck me first after he was gone - he had just been so vibrant, so full of life moments before. As Andrea led him to the arena, he snatched a mouthful of grain and happily chewed away at it while he walked easily behind her. I was struck - as I always was - by his incredible beauty. Saint was magnificent to look at....and a hard and willing worker. His heart was tremendous. It would be no surprise to anyone to discover that that was the very thing he succumbed to in the end - a heart so full that his body couldn't contain or sustain it.

It was no coincidence that the five of us who were present the moment he died had all played a role in his time at PHH...and I don't doubt that all five of us were left with a permanent impression of Saint on our own hearts. It's a terribly helpless feeling to watch an innocent animal suffer and not know what to do. I imagine that in that very short time, we did exactly what we were supposed to -- we surrounded Saint with our love until the very end.

The lessons that were to be learned from this heartbreaking experience will continue to reveal themselves. In looking back on it, I am thankful he went so quickly. And although the anguish I felt at being so helpless consumed me, I'm glad I was there that day. I'm grateful that I could play a small part in caring for him and saying farewell. I also felt overwhelmed with gratitude for my own horse. I hope that the lesson of Saint and his life - full, vibrant, and ending in the midst of doing what he loved most - stay with me forever.